I don’t normally post about sexuality and LGBTQ+ issues but here we are. Please correct me if I get anything wrong.
I’ve known I wasn’t straight for a while. I think I knew that’s what it was when I was 13. I was attracted to men. I had a boyfriend but I was also hella attracted to women.
Honestly, I would marry certain female fictional characters if I could.
But I’m also attracted to real women.
I’ve never had a relationship with women because when I got sick I simply didn’t have the energy for one.
But I crave that relationship.
Over time I’ve learnt that I’m not really attracted to men sexually, but I still remain attracted to men romantically.
But women, I’m attracted to sexually. If I watch porn to masterbate it’ll be same sex female porn.
On that note if anyone can recommend good porn for females! As i feel a lot of Lesbian porn is made from the male gaze and quite frankly I don’t want anything to do with a lot of it.
So am I just a lesbian? Or does only being romantically attracted to men count as being bi?
I feel like being bisexual there is a lot of bi-erasure, a lot of pressure to just be gay.
I’ve had it so many times – oh your just a lesbian.
And that in itself creates a lot of self doubt over our identities.
It leaves you questioning. Who am I?
And to an extend that can make it hard for us to engage with the LGBTQ+ community. For bisexuals this community can often be the worst for us in terms of stigma, hate and bi erasure.
So who am I? People place so much importance of labels in society.
My take. It doesn’t matter. We shouldn’t eat ourselves up over our questioning. We should learn to be proud in the identity, the label that we feel most comfortable with. Even if we don’t match the stereotapes.
It’s okay to question. Questioning is natural and I believe that sexuality is fluid, it can change to some extent over time – especially for those of us who are bisexual. At times we may be more attracted to women or men and vise versa.
It’s okay. It’s okay to be you to be bisexual and proud and it’s okay to not know.
That’s what I’m telling myself anyway.