April seemed to have gone by in a flash. It also seems to have been very sunny, not good for the migraines but good for the mental health when I’ve been able to get out.
Trust the UK to get it’s act together the year we’re in lockdown.
I’ve got to confess I’ve spent the majority of the month sleeping. My ME has taken a huge hit from months of overexerting and a possible COVID-19 infection which I still can’t fight off. I still have a cough. It seems to come in a cycle now though rather than being completely unrelenting. I’ll stop coughing for a couple of days then the cough will return. Under the UK guidance this means I don’t need to self isolate as I’d never actually stopped coughing so it’s not a new continuous cough and I did the initial self isolation when it started. However I am regularly checking my temperature and if I get a fever again I will, as that could be sign of reinfection. I’m also taking essential shopping to mean essential shopping. Not “oh I just want a bar of chocolate”. I have witnessed such interpretations of essential and trying to combine trips where reasonable in terms of my ME to try and limit contact to the outside world just in case.
It’s so much fun not knowing whether immunity is a thing to the novel virus right?
I have spent the month largely sofa bound but doing my best not to decondition anymore. There has been lots of bad migraines, lots of bad pain days, lots of fatigue and brain fog.
My activities have been somewhat limited but I think a lack of energy has stopped me from going crazy during this lockdown. I normally get very cabin feverish very quickly which is why I had never mastered the art of pacing. In the past I’d feel a little better and then I’d leave the house and end up bedbound again.
Now I’m feeling a little better and yes leaving the house when I need to but also thinking of things I can do in the house which are less likely to cause payback. I’m finally learning how to pace. I’m noticing early warning signs of a crash and trying to slow down straight away. Instead of pushing myself when every inch of my body is saying no. I’m still not perfect at it, there are still peaks and troughs in my ME. I’ve not perfected the art of pacing. But by remembering that I will actually have to work full time again soon, despite not being well enough I’ve allowed myself to slow down enough to slowly get out of this flare.
I’ve become addicted to tiktok, follow me @spoonielivingfree if you want some quality content. I’ve refound my love of writing. And not just my blog but I’m kind of working on a secret project and wanted to write fanfiction again. (The actual fanfiction writing has been non-existent tbh)
I’ve been able to dedicate time and energy to reading. Mainly YA fiction because it’s accessible to my foggy brain. I’ve been really enjoying getting lost in fiction again. It’s not really something I can do without PEM after work as my job is so cognitive.
Lots of chocolate has been eaten which isn’t great for my waistline but weight gain is okay!
It’s been a hard month and a socially distanced month and I really really miss my family and I am so ready to go home, although I don’t know when as when the office opens albeit in a socially distanced way I’ll have to be in some of the time. Hopefully not all as some would give me leeway to go home without the guilt of annual leave. I’m kind of contemplating illicitly going home myself once I get a work laptop, if I get a work laptop. Providing I have enough medication and the office isn’t opening imminently to my knowledge. Technically your allowed to move between households and if I went ideally it’d be for two weeks to limit what I may or may not be spreading.
But it’s not by any means be a bad month. Not every month that you get paid for not working a day. And in this age of adult responsibility and bills it’s not every month you get to make decisions to look after your health instead of running yourself into the ground.
Hilariously despite this entire month of time I’ve still not applied for PIP cause anxiety. Even tho I actually need to… I’m just not good at advocating for myself and I know I would be denied it because I don’t look sick… and a lot of people with ME are.
I am the queen of procrastination over anything that causes anxiety.
How has April been for you?