What even was this week?

Seeing as I don’t really have the cognitive energy for a proper post I thought this week would be a week in the life.

Monday I had an ultrasound before work. Oh don’t we love those bright and early trips to the middle of nowhere to get an ultrasound. Fortunately this medical centre wasn’t as in the middle of nowhere as my previous ones but it was out of the city. I think it was clear which is irritating because it means I’m going to have to push to ensure that referral is made which I really don’t have the energy for but such is life. I found it was painful though despite the fact that the ultrasound wand wasn’t pressing too hard on my abdomen. Asides from chaotic, work was actually okay on Monday. Horray for one day in which I don’t go home and have a mental breakdown. (Okay an exaggeration but Friday hit hard).

Tuesday work got all the more chaotic and I had a climb after work. Honestly I was going to train hard but I ended up chatting and projecting a few things as my bod was struggling. I did get a burly swirly that I was proud of and some roof work so was still sore mind you!

Wednesday we worked again and still chaotic from Tuesdays happenings but it calmed down a little. I had the most efficient service in boots ever when grabbing my prescription and then climbed at the women’s group. There were loads of us this week which is incredible to see! I took it quite easy cause injuries and shit but tried to get back on the roof and que soreness.

Thursday I wasn’t doing good with my ME but got through work regardless. No rest for the wicked hey? A few things made Thursday a really bad mental struggle. I don’t want to provide details on here cause privacy of myself and others. I also don’t want to give the wrong impression about my feelings towards anyone because it’s not at all one person and part of it was I didn’t have enough energy to feel happy. I was essentially a shell of a human who went home, made dinner, had a bath and then slept.

Friday I came into work feeling more rested and more positive as a result. Even with some pretty hellish cases and some phone calls to make! I’m definitely becoming more confident talking to applicants on the phone though and it’s nice to see some progression there. It hit rock bottom after a talk with my manager. (Yes I’m kind of implicating here but I honestly don’t know who or what or idk. Maybe I’m just an awful person.) But I came home cried. Drank tea. Tried to make myself less empty shell so hard to see her way through the next 10 and a half months in this job if she even passes probation like and a little more (faux) positive for an evening at the wall.

The evening and night really made my day. I didn’t really climb well or much because endometriosis hurt like hell but got a couple of projects and then went out out and um didn’t sleep cause chronic illness hates me and alcohol and a normal 22 year old. I felt pretty horrendous (not hangover or drunk horrendous) until 2pm and then madly headed to a climbing competition. Didn’t do particularly well – there were problems there that I know I have in me but just could not do on the day! Either because my joints were playing around or due to general strength issues even once knowing the beta! But had a good time regardless and enjoyed socialising and not having to put pressure on myself.

And that concludes the post.

Hopefully next week will be more positive and less painful. Despite many little wins and moments of joy, can’t say it was a great week!

Social media: Is it a force for good or does it harm mental health?

28208489145_7cbebd18e3_z.jpg

Social media and it’s impact on us as individuals could honestly make up an entire dissertation or three. But today I am going to try to discuss social media and it’s impact on mental health, on community, on broadening horizons in one- hopefully not too long blog post.

First I want to say that the negative mental health effects of social media depend on mindset, on personality, on self-esteem. If you’re competitive, a perfectionist, have low self esteem social media, especially certain forms of social media will not be good for you. If you’re an empath you may be more negatively affected by it than others and may need to take more of a step back at time. To take care about what is appearing on your feed and really curate it to suit you.

In these cases seeing how much more successful everyone else is, seeing others balance 101 projects and still get 85s in their law exams hurts. It hurts, because most of us aren’t that “successful.” I put it that way because success does not have one definition – but society makes us feel that way. And I think when you see people being the person you wish you could be if it wasn’t for x, y or z it hurts.

Because yes. You can be anything you want to be – I truly believe in that statement to a point. But it shouldn’t be taken too literally.

I would love to be able to be a full time activity leader again because it would give me a summer job. But I can’t – it would objectively destroy me unless I was to solely do arts and crafts, movie nights and language games. But I don’t have that choice! It’s all or nothing.

When you take what is meant to be motivational too literally, when you compare yourself social media can be so harmful. Which is why It’s so important to check yourself and if one person is causing too much harm unfollow them.

One platform I find particularly damaging is Facebook. Because at least on my Facebook and indeed it’s intention is to only have people you know in your “friends list”. I get hurt when people don’ recognise my achievements as much as they recognise others. If I post to say I got a grade no one would care but other people even if they got lesser grades get hundreds of comments. And it’s not like it’s because it was harder to get those grades. It’s just the way it is – it’s the algorithm, it’s the amount of real friends, family they have.

It makes me feel incredibly alone…. especially when mutual friends comment but fail to comment on my post.

God that sounds self centred. But it’s why I am trying to use it a lot less. And eventually not atall because it is not a positive influence on my life. And I can’t make it  be.

Social media can however also be a force for good. A unifier. A way to connect with similar people whom you would not have otherwise connected with. It can make you feel less alone if you’re disabled and unable to get out of the house to see people much. If you have mental illness.

It can be a place for empowerment and broadening horizons. For finding new opportunities. It can too be a force for good.

I think it’s just really important to be so careful with how you consume it. So it stays that way.

Slenderman

I guess this recent Stabbing in Wisconsin will mean there is going to be a load more shit about the dangers of the internet and how it is ruining minors today. I am outraged by this event and I guess you just have to know where to draw the line between fiction and reality. I actually wrote an article in my english exam yesterday on the matter of social networking sites being banned. I disagreed, why should these sites be banned just because a few people misuse them? It is not fair on everyone else and it is not fair that because of this even people will probably belive all who like creepypasta’s, such as myself are psycho, or that ceepypasta causes that. IT DOESN’T!

It’s not even like it’s anywhere on the creepy pasta Wiki that he has this mansion or that he has ever told anyone to kill someone else.

These girls quite probably have some form of psychoisis, and whether the internet had anything to do with that or not, I don’t know. What I do know is some people have genetic predisposisions to mental illnesses and some do not. It does not mean they all get a mental illness or kill because of it.

And back onto the topic of the internet. I am a very heavy internet user. At the moment I am working on writing my criminal minds fanfiction. And I’m sure alarm bells are probably ringing. Yes I admit I used to roleplay and get lost in a fantasy world but I knew when to draw that line. 

I would never kill over some fantasy world, I may get angry and be all like “Oh I’m going to kill her.” But I never mean it. I could never pick up a knife and stab someone once, let alone 19 times! I could never shoot or strangle someone. I just hope people realise that not everyone who reads creepy pastas and likes slendy, Jeff, Sonic.exe and all the rest of the creepy pasta’s are psycho. And that just because of this isolated incident things like this don’t get banned, because it is something many of us enjoy in a safe way. 

I wouldn’t kill for Jeff the killer, Somnic.exe, Slenderman or Ben drowned. (They are my fav creepy pasta’s) And I know many other people who wouldn’t also. It is just something we enjoy, just like other people are fans of other things. But just because we watch videos for these characters, we draw these characters and write fanfiction for these characters id doesn’t mean we would kill for them. Or kill because of them.

Same with roleplay, just because people roleplay as Jeff the Killer, Roleplay as slenderman, roleplay as Ben Drowned, it doens’t mean we belive we are them or they want us to kill someone for them. And we definatly would never do it.

Anyway that’s all I have to say. I’m just angry I guess. I hope this incident doesn’t ruin it for everyone as it would not be fair on the majority of us who enjoy it in a safe way.

ARTICLE ON THE STABBING http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-27684258

SLENDERMAN: http://creepypasta.wikia.com/wiki/The_Slender_Man