I know for some people online school is a lot easier for their anxiety. No physically having to go in. Interact with the real world. See people. But there are some parts of online school that I find even more anxiety provoking and people just don’t understand why so in the name of awareness raising I thought I’d share.
I don’t know why but posting on a discussion board stresses me out. Being able to do it is only a recent thing. I know it’s irrational so don’t go telling me that or to just get over it. The problem with having really low self esteem when you have those discussion boards where you can’t see answers until you comment. You may wonder why:
- What if I’m wrong?
- What if it looks like I haven’t tried?
- What if it’s too much/too little?
- What if I get negative responses?
- What if people decide they don’t like me/I’m worthless/stupid because of what I post?
The virtual group task
Do we all hate these?
Especially when we all have our own commitments and some of us may be abroad so how the fuck are we supposed to make it work if we don’t have much mutually convenient time.
So why does this make me anxious. For me it’s the starting. It’s when no one reaches out to the group. No one takes the lead but you are too anxious to do so. Again pretty irrational. You may wonder why.
- What if they think I’m a swot/nerd?
- What if they think I have no life?
- What if they think I’m being too pushy?
- What if I don’t word it right?
It feels me with dread, it paralyses me and it makes me feel physically sick. I hope I’ll get more confident as the year goes on but right now that’s how it is.
How do you feel about online school and how has it affected your anxiety?