Another month of 2020 done!
August was a weird one. I moved back in with my family which is a bizzare adjustment. They don’t really understand my illnesses or why I can climb but should be using my wheelchair to get into town and back (which I’m not proficient at self propelling on uneven streets quite yet so need someone with me to push when needed) and i’ve gained weight because people keep on baking, I eat dinner with the family and there isn’t much easily accessible healthy food in the house. Although It’s not much compounded with how bloated I have been it doesn’t feel good. As I’m getting healthier with pacing I’m contemplating trying keto but I’m still not feeling like I’ll be healthy to reliably make meals daily once my masters starts so…
Despite seemingly feeling healthier with pacing, I have had some bad weeks as a result of too much walking. I’m v good at overestimating my limits and maybe that’s because with chronic illness are limits can change like the wind. You don’t always realise the week long payback you’ll get from simply walking to the doctors and back and I’m noticing the deterioration in my joints more from having to carry heavier things and the climbing walls being open again. I’m trying to stay conditioned when I feel well enough but that’s rare with having to manage other things I need to do.
In August I got my wheelchair. I did yet another training contract video interview (and then got rejected), participated in a negotiation competition and got to the final 12 and did many other things.
However it was also a month of disappointment and feeling like I wasn’t good enough. I got let go from a voluntary position. And admittedly it’s better for me that way as I could never have fitted into the neat little box required and my ME and suspected ADHD means I can’t proofread well. It would have ended up being too much stress – working for someone who wouldn’t understand and is quite frankly not my sort of person.
Although it made me feel really low for a bit and still does when I think about it because it’s a literal failure. I know it’s for the best. I just wish I was given a second chance to prove myself.
I also have the feeling that my family really doesn’t support me for leaving my job, despite it being necessary for my health and to be able to pursue what I want from life.
But that’s life. It’s full of ups and downs.