Moving back in with your family as an adult

Silhouette of woman sitting in bed by window

I know plenty of people who live with their parents or even go away to uni and come back and intend to stay with their parents and are okay with that. But I know an equal, if not greater number of people who really struggle to live with their parents as an adult let alone move back in. And as I am finally moving back out, I thought it would be a great time to write about it.

Moving back in with your parents after spending the best part of three or even four years away from home at uni or doing anything for that matter is odd. And I think odd is the best way to describe it.

On the one hand your aware your family are happy to welcome you in and maybe even have you around again but on the other hand the family have recreated a dynamic without you in. I really feel this on a regular basis because I have brothers who are 13 and 10 and I’m 21. It feels like they’re this perfect family of four and I’m on the outside.

I just don’t fit in anymore. I never did to be perfectly honest.

But now I’m an adult I feel like I’m walking on egg shells. I have my own life and I’ve got used to living with friends or in halls. I just can’t seem to fit back in to family life. I feel pressured and unable to nap even when my body really needs it because people will come into my room without knocking and if they do knock will call me lazy or not understand my illnesses.

And it fucking hurts. Because family are meant to understand. I expect family to understand. And I don’t know why still expect them to because after being ill since 10 they have never understood and I’ve never even felt like I could let on that I was in pain etc. Maybe there’s a little bit of Hufflepuff in this Slytherin…  

I come home from work and want to have my family say hello, I want to talk about each others days. Because that’s what families do? Isn’t it?

Not mine. I am way too needy for my family. I come home, barely get a hello from anyone but the dog and if I try and talk to anyone I get some form of go away. And that’s difficult. There’s one thing being at uni and knowing you could find someone to chat with if you wanted to. Another thing coming back home and having that expectation of a family not be real.

I have been in literal tears over my family multiple times since coming home because well… I don’t know. I’m an awful person. I’m too needy for them. I don’t fit in. And yeah there were tears before I left home but coming back to nothing having changed somehow feels worse.

Don’t get me started on the kitchen. A) I can’t always cook and wash up on the same day and that’s obviously not okay in my family. B) The fucking sponge in the fucking dirty water in the fucking washing up bowl. Yeah I just used way too much fowl language and that expresses how much annoyance I have over something that seems so petty. I know compromises have to be made in a family but I make compromises to my ideal sleep pattern, to when I have a bath, to when I cook, to the food I eat as there is not enough space for me to have a shelf and buy my own food. Let alone to batch cook like I need to for my health and freeze stuff. The sponge is just one step too far.

It’s the interrogation over where I’m going, what I’m doing, as if everything needs to be put on the family calendar. And many other little things that make me feel unwelcome.

And despite knowing rationally that many adults still live with their parents, it’s the social stigma that comes with being in your 20s and living with your family.

It’s difficult and I know this is real first world problems and “your lucky your family let you back in.” But it’s not easy and I know other people go through the same feelings so I wanted to talk about it.

I hate moaning. I hate not putting a positive spin on things – especially when they are seemingly pathetic. But I do hope someone could relate in some way.

 

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