Why your lowest weight does not matter

Hello – itt’s eating disorder awareness week so I am going to try and be more active on both this blog and my youtube during the week. Today’s topic is why your lowest weight doesn’t matter. This I feel is a pressing issue, especially this week where I’m sure there’ll be an influx of before and after photo’s. You know the ones the ematiated anorexic on the left with the barley healthy weighted recovering anorexic on the right.

Because I know these can be triggering to may people, especially due to the competitive nature of eating disorders and the manipulitive nature of eating disorders making tou belive that “you wearn’t sick enough” because you wearnt as thin I’m going to share with you why your lowest weight is not important.

  1. Eating disorders come in all shapes and sizes- All people of all body shapes sizes and weights can have an eating disorder. Not everyone with an eating disorder has Anorexia. There’s bulimia, EDNOS/OSFED, Binge eating disorder, Night eating syndrome, Pica. The list goes on. And they are all disorders in there own right. Mental disorders which with the exception of Anorexia are not catagorized┬áby being clinically underweight. You can be at any BMI and have an eating disorder.
  2. Low weight is not a measure of how sick you are/were. Physically or mentally. Take me for example. During my most recent relapse I was quite severly physically comprimised before being underweight. And I was never that ematiated anorexic we all envision when eating disorders are mentioned. Yet physically my heart was so fast that according to my friend I should have been in hospital. My blood pressure was low. I struggled to walk to the bus stop. And mentally, When I was at my worst with anorexia, despite never being that underweight compared to most anorexics I was scared of apples because the sgar content and I thought water would somehow make me gain weight.
  3. That was in the past – yes. Low weight doesn’t matter because that was the past. Something which I know you’ll never forget if you’ve had an eating disorder and you will probably also have in the back of your mind but it is also not relevent to the you, you are now, The healthy happy you that I am hoping you found in recovery.
  4. Eating disorders are mental not physical disorders – surley because of that physical characteristics such as weight shouldn’t matter or be relevent to just how sick you were.
  5. Progress is not just physical. This ties in with my last point. That eating disorders are mental disorders. And yes part of recovery is physical but it is a very small part compared to what has to be done in order to heal the mind.

So thats why I believe lowest weights do not matter! If you think your suffering from an eating disorder please don’t convince yourself your not sick enough and get help. I know It can be hard because unfortunatly many health proffessionals also have the same biases in that if your not stick thin or making yourself sick your don’t have an ED. I’ve had my fair share of experience with that. But the help is out there and you deserve to get better just as much as that ematiated anorexic. If your in recovery please don’t give up because “you we’re never sick enough.” You were. I promise you that.

I’m Not Selfish, I’m Mentally Ill

Hello all,

Today I want to make a blog post about well the title says it all really. I feel it’s a common belief from the none mentally ill population that people are selfish, when infact maybe even unknowingly are suffering from a mental illness. Ive heard many a person say suicide is selfish. But they don’t give any thought into how a person who has reahced that level of depression is feeling. Yes it may come across as selfish but to a person with a mental illness. Suicide or any action isn’t for selfish reasons it’s because they can’t see any other way.

Lets just take an example from today that happened to me. Today I was mant to be going to the races and for lunch for my grandads birthday but this moring I couldn’t handle it. I thought about it. I really did think about trying to go. Trying to challenge myself so hard and I thought about ths not for me. But because I didn’t want to let anyone down. I didnt want to be a disapointment as per ususal. But I looed at some sample menues and decided I couldn’t handle it. I mean the fact that they were sample menus would mean a level of uncertainty in not knowing what I could have. What if there was nothing I liked? Nothing atleast half safe? On top of that there wuld be the calorie issue. This 3 course meal would lead to too many calories. Too many unknown calories. Again that uncertainty. Would I get the nutrition I’m after? Probably not. And it’s not just the food it’s the being around people and food all day. It all seemed too much.

And yes I felt guilty for maing the decision not to go and I still feel guilty just not as so now I’ve had some time to think and calm down a bit. I know my mum and brother think Im selfish for sure. Both saying I’m wasting money… And oay my brothers 9, he can be forgiven. But my mum. She knows I’m mentally ill. I would hope she’d be more understanding. Apparently not.

But whatever people think I’m not selfish. Im mentally ill and yes sometimes that may make me come across to others as me being selfish and rude but that is the way things are at this moment in time. The best thing I can do is to work towards getting better and maybe one day I’ll be able to go out to eat even where there’s uncertainty as to the menu, calories and atmosphere.